


Beautiful

by mollieblack



Series: Moments From Readers [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Body Image, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Insecurity, M/M, Moments From Readers, Phanfiction, Pining, Reality, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 12:30:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11463642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollieblack/pseuds/mollieblack
Summary: Dan's been gaining weight and he's feeling insecure. It's a hot day and he's determined to stay in his sweater as Phil tries to find creative ways for them to stay cool. When Dan finally admits to Phil why he won't take his sweater off, Phil tries to help him see how beautiful he is through Phil's eyes, and maybe, just maybe, their entire relationship will change.Prompt received from Anonymous on Tumblr





	Beautiful

Dan didn’t care.

It was too hot to care. It was too hot to do _anything,_ so Dan didn’t. He couldn’t care about working on videos, he couldn’t care about replying to emails. He didn’t even care that he allowed his gaze to linger a bit too long on his flatmate, because he was just too tired and pulling his eyes away took extra effort. 

Dan didn’t care.

Except that he did.

He cared too much. He cared far too much about the little pudge that had appeared in the past few months on his belly. The way his face had rounded out. The fact that his arms were widening, and he couldn’t wear his old tshirts anymore because they pulled too tight. 

He cared too much, and that was why Dan was now sitting miserably, trying not to stare too long at Phil who sat across him on the couch, sulking in the heat. He knew he looked ridiculous. He knew it was pathetic, him moping about in an oversized sweater and boxers, but it was the closest he could get to something cool.

See, the pudge hadn’t reached his legs yet so staying in boxers was the small bit of relief he could get from the heat, and he wasn’t going to pass that up. His arms were crossed and sweat dripped down the side of his face, his hair damp as he tried not to make his affection for his flatmate _too_ obvious, because he knew that even if he didn’t care right now he would tomorrow and he’d curse himself if Phil found out.

"Dan." Phil said, shaking Dan a bit out of his stupor.

"Yeah?" he asked innocently, and Phil raised an eyebrow, not having to voice his question. Phil was sat in just some shorts, far more appropriate attire for the heat than Dan's choice (though Dan's feelings towards Phil's bare chest were anything but _appropriate_ ). Phil continued to raise his eyebrows, then sighed when Dan just shrugged innocently, acting as if he didn't know what Phil was trying to ask.

"Are you really gonna stay in your sweater all day? It's like a sauna in here!" Phil exclaimed, and Dan shrugged, trying to maintain a cool air about himself.

"I'm perfectly comfortable the way I am." he said, and Phil raised an eyebrow again at him, it being obvious to both of them by the sweat pouring down Dan's face that he was nowhere near 'comfortable'. 

"Dan you're being ridiculous. At least get off this couch with me, let's go make some cold drinks, maybe that'll help." Phil suggested with a sigh, seeing that Dan wasn't about to change his mind about the clothing, and Dan nodded gratefully.

"Yeah a cold drink sounds good."

They poured glasses of ribena, plopping a few ice cubes in each and sipped. It helped, but not much. 

Dan watched as Phil opened their freezer again - a large freestanding freezer that reminded Dan of a large treasure chest containing all kinds of sweets that were far better than gold, in Dan's opinion. Phil opened the lid and leaned down, rummaging through things, when he froze and then turned back to Dan with a glint in his eye. Dan froze immediately, recognizing this face because it was the face he always saw before Phil proposed some crazy idea that Dan generally got dragged along with, and usually ended in disaster. 

"What?" he asked, apprehensive of Phil's response.

"I know how to stay cool!" Phil exclaimed excitedly, and promptly began emptying out the contents of the freezer, telling Dan to move them into the smaller freezer that was generally empty that was connected to the bottom of their refrigerator. 

"Why?" Dan asked, but Phil didn't give him a real answer, just a vague 'you'll see', and Dan sighed because Phil was always like this, and Dan always ended up getting dragged into things he knew nothing about.

It just so happened that their freestanding freezer was pretty empty right now, so by some miracle they were actually able to fit all the stuff inside there, and once everything had been transferred Phil stood proudly with his hands on his hips, looking down at the now empty, large freezer. 

"Okay?" Dan asked, still confused as to what Phil's plan was.

Phil just grinned at him and darted out of the room, leaving a confused Dan in front of a large empty freezer, wiping the sweat from his face and wishing he weren't standing up because he was far too exhausted from this heat to be moving about and transferring frozen food for some unknown project. 

Phil returned shortly after carrying a soft blanket and a pillow, looking at Dan as if his plan was now obvious.

"Phil what the hell are you doing?" Dan asked, and Phil rolled his eyes. 

"Isn't it clear? Dan, we're gonna camp out in the freezer!" Phil exclaimed excitedly, opening the freezer back up to line it with the blanket, then putting the pillow on one end and climbing in. 

"Now take that sweater off and get in here with me!" Phil grinned, reaching his arms up as an invitation for a hug, because both of them fitting in that freezer would mean inevitable cuddling.

Dan paused for a moment, considering his options. On one hand it sounded so nice to be able to curl up in a cool space and share a pillow and blanket with Phil, forced close together by the cramped space, wearing nothing but shorts. On the other hand that thought scared the shit out of Dan. And then there was his size. He wasn't fat, but Phil hadn't seen him without a sweater in a while, and Dan started to wonder if they could even both fit in there with him the size he was now. Phil must have noticed, but maybe he didn't realize how much Dan had changed. There was no way Dan could let Phil see him. No way he could allow the man he thought he might love see him in such a vulnerable way when Dan felt so disgusted by himself. 

He didn't even realize the tears that built in his eyes until one spilled over and he turned away quickly, rushing out of the room.

"Dan?" he heard Phil's concerned voice behind him, but Dan continued until he fell onto his bed, sobbing in self-loathing, squirming because everything was so fucking  _hot_ and he hated it and he hated himself and he hated that he loved Phil, because it'd been  _nine years_ and every day it was clearer and clearer that they'd never be more than just best friends, and while that used to be enough for Dan he wasn't sure it was anymore, but he wasn't strong enough to move on and he just couldn't take it and it was  _so fucking hot._

"Dan." he heard his name spoken softly from the doorway and turned to see Phil standing timidly, lanky and pale in just his shorts.

"Sorry." Dan apologized, because he only ever felt like a burden anymore and the tears just got worse, shaking his body as he looked at the man he loved but could never have. 

"Dan don't be sorry, what happened?" Phil asked, walking to Dan's bed and sitting beside him. Dan pulled himself up in a sitting position and shrugged his shoulders, wiping his eyes.

"I dunno. I just... I don't know, Phil." 

"Are you okay?" Phil asked, his hand reaching Dan's bare knee, and Dan shivered a bit because Phil's hands were still cold from the freezer, but mostly because Phil was touching him and that never failed to make Dan shudder even after all these years.

"Yeah.... no.... I dunno." Dan said honestly, and Phil moved in now, pulling Dan into a hug. Dan hugged him back, though they pulled apart soon after because it was far too hot to be pressed against someone else. 

"Dan... what's wrong? You can talk to me." Phil assured him, and Dan took a deep breath, deciding that he was too tired. Too tired to hide this from Phil.

"I'm fat. I'm fat and I'm ugly and I-"

"Are you kidding me?" Phil interrupted him, laughing. Dan looked up at Phil through hurt eyes, in disbelief that Phil was actually laughing at him. He'd been worried about telling Phil out of embarrassment, but he'd never actually thought Phil would be so insensitive as to laugh at him.

"Sorry! Sorry." Phil said, stopping his laughter as he saw Dan's hurt expression. "Dan... you're not fat. You're beautiful." Phil said, and Dan rolled his eyes.

"Yeah right."

"No, seriously! I'm sorry I laughed it's just... Dan I've always been the weird one. You've  _always_ been the hot one, and it's no different now. I've just bottled up so many insecurities because I was comparing myself to you that hearing that you think you could ever be ugly... it's just ridiculous to me." Phil's voice softened as his hand found Dan's atop the duvet. "But I know that everyone gets insecure and I'm sorry I laughed. You really truly are beautiful, Dan."

"But I'm getting so much bigger. My face looks like the fucking moon, Phil." Dan said softly, though his tears had stopped.

"Dan your face should be insured. Honestly I'm surprised your dimples aren't. People are obsessed with you. You're so far from ugly, Dan. And truly honestly I hadn't even noticed you'd gained weight." Phil said, and Dan raised his eyebrows, meeting Phil's gaze.

"Really?"

"Really. You're gorgeous, and even if you do have a bit of extra pudge, a lot of people like that. You don't have to have a six pack to be beautiful, Dan." 

Dan looked at Phil suspiciously for a few moments, but when he saw that Phil was being sincere he allowed himself to fall into Phil's arms again, hugging him briefly before pulling away due to the heat. 

"Goddamn this fucking heat wave." he laughed through his fading tears, wiping the last few away. "Thank you." he gave a small smile to Phil who returned it.

"Of course. Now you don't have to take your sweater off, but how about we go back to that freezer? It's really nice in there!" Phil insisted, and Dan smiled. 

"Okay." 

They walked back to the kitchen and Dan climbed into the freezer first, Phil following. Dan froze as Phil's bare legs interlocked with his own, Phil laying on his side next to Dan who turned towards Phil, faces just mere inches apart in the cramped space. It was awkward and tight, but it was cool down here and the pillow and blanket were nice and made it softer than just laying on cold hard plastic. 

Phil raised his eyebrows in question towards Dan as he reached forward slowly. Dan gave him a small nod. He wasn't sure if Phil was asking him if it was okay to cuddle or if he was okay with Phil hugging him because of his insecurity, but whichever it was Dan would say yes, so when Phil wrapped Dan in his arms and pulled him even closer Dan sighed contentedly. 

"Beautiful." Phil repeated his term from earlier, and Dan chuckled softly.

"Shut up." 

"No, really. You're really incredible Dan, and anyone who dislikes your tummy is crazy, because I think it's adorable." 

Dan's heart jumped into his throat. He was used to Phil being verbally affectionate, he always had been, but pressed so closely together with Phil nearly naked and their noses almost touching, this all felt different. 

"I..." Dan started, then looked away, face red. "Um... I want to take it off." he said softly, and Phil smiled, helping them both up into seated positions. 

"Okay." Phil smiled reassuringly, and Dan quickly pulled his sweater off, throwing it out of the freezer and wrapping his arms around his stomach. Phil smiled at Dan who looked up at him shyly, and Dan watched Phil's eyes gaze over his body, a smile twinging his lips as Phil pulled Dan into a hug that Dan didn't return because his arms were still protecting his tummy as Phil laid them back down. 

"Beautiful." he repeated and Dan flushed. 

"I'm really not..." Dan protested, and Phil's hands came up to cup Dan's cheeks, looking at him intensely. 

"Dan, you are gorgeous." Phil insisted, and Dan watched in awe as Phil's eyes flicked from Dan's own eyes down to his lips and back up, seemingly deciding on something. Dan felt like he was melting when Phil leaned forward, pulling Dan lightly with his hands on Dan's cheeks, and then Phil's lips were pressed softly to his own and gone just as quick as they had arrived, but it had happened and Dan was left wide eyed, staring at Phil.

"I..." he mumbled, hands abandoning his stomach and coming up to his mouth in shock. 

"May I?" Phil asked, looking down towards Dan's stomach, reaching a tentative hand forward. Dan just nodded, squinting his eyes shut in anticipation. 

Phil's hand wrapped around Dan's hip and then came forward to his stomach, drawing over the lines of his hips and stroking by his bellybutton, gently squeezing. 

"Beautiful." Phil insisted again, finally returning his hand to Dan's hip and keeping it there, looking at Dan with a small smile. 

Dan just shook his head in disbelief and leaned back in, connecting their lips, and this kiss lasted far longer than the first.

 

 


End file.
